I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
