We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
