It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
