who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
