He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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