that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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