Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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