I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
