Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
