Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
