At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
