That's intense
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
