I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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