I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
