you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
