i think i have herpe
just one?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
