Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
