I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
