I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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