even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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