singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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