Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
