I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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