Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
