Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
two words: eviction party
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
