dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
