she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
