All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
