I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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