My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
