Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
