i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
