Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
