Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
