Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
