I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
