I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
