you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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