Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
