remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
please come you make the beer taste better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
