We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
