I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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