I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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