it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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