eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
