wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
