i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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