dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
