I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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