i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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