Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
