No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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