My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Randomize
