he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
3 2 1 whiskey
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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