i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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